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Sep 05, 08 - 03:21 pm Comment from: Crazylegs

Weak. Really weak, Microsoft. What a shitty company.

They are going to need far more then 155 gurus to fix all the problems with windows.

Will they be dressed as giant paperclips?

Sep 05, 08 - 03:21 pm Comment from: trex67

"Gurus" makes sense, since I'm mystified as to why anyone uses M$ products.

Sep 05, 08 - 03:22 pm Comment from: Anonymous©

They're called "gurus" because they have to import them from Bombay, India. I mean noone else understands Windows in all its variants like a Bombay-guru!

Sep 05, 08 - 03:26 pm Comment from: Mac-nugget

Boy, they are going to need a lot of those. Just connecting a laptop to a Wifi network, you need a certificate of sorts.

Woooooowww! what a great innovation company Microsoft is....
I am so surprised!!!! (sarcasm)

Sep 05, 08 - 03:29 pm Comment from: Macromancer

It's not even funny anymore, it's just sad.

Sep 05, 08 - 03:32 pm Comment from: OBill-Wan Kenobi

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...not to mention a first class indicator that the imitator is fresh out of new ideas...

They'll try to trick you into thinking that you're really not in a sticky situation. That's why they're called Goo Ruse.

Ballmer came to work today wearing a black mock turtleneck and jeans.

it is a lame and blatant ripoff of course. But Apple geniuses? That's always bothered the crap out of me. I mean, come on, Geniuses? Give me a break. If they were geniuses, why are they working in a low paying customer support mall job for pete's sake. No, they're just best buy geek squad level tech support with an assinine and egotistical job title.

Sep 05, 08 - 03:40 pm Comment from: Fred Mertz

OBill-Wan Kenobi,

"Fresh out of new ideas" mistakenly implies that Microsoft actually had new ideas until just recently, when, in fact, they've never had any meaningful new ideas in their company's history.

I'd be interested to read the "Guru" job description - are they hired for their technical expertise, or for their ability to put positive spin on Microsoft's poor products? I'm guessing the latter will be at least as important as the former.

MW: pressure, as in Microsoft must really be feeling it.

I say we call them "Microsoft Bobs"

Didn't they already take the Lotus position a long time ago?

Sep 05, 08 - 03:50 pm Comment from: MainMan

My suggestion would be "Ballmer Bozos".

Not very smart.

Considering the problems with Windows, the line will be so long that they'll have to have signs along the path..."approximate wait time: 97 hours"

The "gurus" won't have time to do demos.

Suppose I want to switch from Mac to Windows. Will the gurus help me transfer all my files?

This is great news! I was hoping to have a Guru show me how to work my Apple iTele. There seems to be a conflict between running Window's Vista and the teleportation system on my iTele. I need a Guru to help solve these problems.

Sep 05, 08 - 03:53 pm Comment from: macaholic

reminds me of the "zzzzzzz" cloud in the old Amiga system, "guru meditation" indeed!!

Sep 05, 08 - 04:00 pm Comment from: ElderNorm

Does no one here read the actual articles??

"The Gurus will answer both general questions about computers and giving their own demos of different Microsoft programs and services working in tandem, including Windows Vista as well as Windows Mobile-based smartphones and Windows Live web features. Like their Apple counterparts, the Windows-focused agents won't be paid by commission and will instead focus on their ability to help whichever customers they receive.

Repairs and other technical support won't be part of the new program."

In other words, these "Gurus" will not solve your computer problem, they are just there to sell Vista.

Microsoft is hiring 155 Vista sales man, which is just what they said they were going to do with the $300 million. Polish the Vista turd..... er image.

Just a thought.
en

Sep 05, 08 - 04:01 pm Comment from: January 24, 1984

Imagine the nineteenth time, on the first day, a newly-minted Guru hears, "Why doesn't this shit work?"

"Considering the problems with Windows, the line will be so long that they'll have to have signs along the path...'approximate wait time: 97 hours'"

MS Guru: "In my line we had three births, seven deaths and several people met, dated, got married and started a family. The one guy with a Zune walked around trying to squirt people. After he was beaten unconscious, people tried to call 911 but their phones kept crashing. After a few weeks, it really started to stink."

Sep 05, 08 - 04:04 pm Comment from: Demon

Might be time to start compiling the list of MS Guru Stumper issues and questions. Knowing how MS works they'll be underpaid, under trained and have little real knowledge on how to troubleshoot any Windows' issues. It will be a half assed attempt at getting customers to buy PC and Phones with Windows.

Get ready for the MS Office Mac Questions too, After all no one wants to use Mac users to just look like were heckling the poor MS Guru, for the fun of it.

"Repairs and other technical support won't be part of the new program."

So, the program is designed to mostly just piss people off. That's genius.

Best Buy and Circuit City are not Microsoft companies. A couple of questions arise.

1) Who is responsible for hiring, training and setting and maintaining employee standards?
2) Who is paying the wages?
3) Who is paying for any floor space dedicated to this idea?
4) What do Best Buy's and Circuit City's other suppliers, some of whom have competing products, think of this?

"Will they be dressed as giant paperclips?"

No, as giant toilet paper dispensers.

Widget
Gadget
Genius
Guru
Apple
Assclowns

I don't know if there's actually a pattern here. There's one hell of a damn tendency, though. Sad indeed.

Oh, and I forgot:
iPod
Turd (aka, zune)

MS Guru: "Excuse me sir. Would you like me to slap you in the face or would you like a demo of Windows Vista?"

Customer: "I'll take the less painful option."

MS Guru: <SMACK>

I kind of like the "Guru" moniker more than the "Genius" one because as a certified genius myself I am always bothered by the way in which the term is so often trivialised.

That being said, what a dumb idea this is. How will it even work if there are only 155 of them? Presumably they won't be assigned to a particular store full time as that would leave many thousands of stores without anyone. So what are the odds that when you go to a store, you will happen to run across one of these guys?

Another thing to think about: In my city we recently got an Apple store (finally!), and it's a tiny itsy-bitsy mall store. When I went there for the first time last week (it's been open for a while), there were 23 blue-shirts helpers, 8 orange shirt helpers, and five geniuses on hand. All in a store that looked to be about the size of my first bachelor apartment.

155 people paid by MS to go around and help users at stores is just ridiculous. Almost certainly these guys will in practice be more like travelling sales/promotion types than they will be "Geniuses/Gurus." They are the kind of smarmy jerks that will try to sell you something. How could they possibly solve anyone's problems when they will be leaving town for the next store when they get up tomorrow.

Honestly, I prefer guru to genius. I hate having to call someone a genius. You walk in the store, I'm here to pick up my macbook. Well one of our geniuses will be right with you. Or you call on the phone about something and they say just come to the store and ask for a genius.

If you make $8 bucks an hour I don't have to call you genius. But that's not really it, I don't call anyone genius. Except for myself of course and not very often.

How will it even work if there are only 155 of them? Presumably they won't be assigned to a particular store full time as that would leave many thousands of stores without anyone.

All 155 Gurus will be assigned to a single store, but a different one each day. So in 3 years, they will have visited a thousand stores.

They won't do technical or repair work... does transferring Windows files to a new Mac count?

Sep 05, 08 - 04:33 pm Comment from: HMCIV

I'm buying my tickets NOW for the Guru's
M$ Equation Editor Demo.

You'll be able to distinguish the MS Gurus from the other store help by the red START button on their foreheads

Sep 05, 08 - 04:38 pm Comment from: Wingsy

@ Fred

""Fresh out of new ideas" mistakenly implies that Microsoft actually had new ideas until just recently, when, in fact, they've never had any meaningful new ideas in their company's history."

Yes, they had one overwhelming new idea that made them what they are today. It was back in '84 or '85, when they were sitting around thinking up ways to get ahead at all cost, when someone suggested, " Hey, let's copy that Macintosh thing that Apple has.". That was their shining moment.

"Guru": A person who really doesn't know anything and hasn't accomplished anything real, but is able to shovel enough BS that people start believing him. See "The Love Guru" starring Mike Myers, for a perfect example.

Microsoft Gurus won't be doing any repairs/troubleshooting/help because that would take business away from Geek Squad and Firedog, which are cash cows for Best Buy and Circuit City, respectively, since they focus on repairing and setting up Windows PCs.

Notice Best Buy and Circuit City don't repair digital cameras, TVs, washers and dryers, etc.

Only Windows PCs. Repeat business is the best!

Gurus chant mantras to drive away evil spirits.

Aum Klim Kalika-yei Namaha

This mantra is said to bring relief or escape from difficult situations, but sometimes in drastic fashion.

Aum Asato mā sad gamaya

From ignorance, lead me to truth;

Microsoft have always been good at copying, but really, this takes it to a new level.

Have they EVER had one single original idea?

I hear if this idea doesn't work, they'll team up with the Jehovah's Witnesses to sell Vista door to door. However, they won't get their commission unless they ring the doorbell TEN times.

@jeremy

"How will it even work if there are only 155 of them?"

It will work like all things microsoft: very painfully and without making any sense.

They mean 155,000, right?

Trial run. 155 for a trial run. If it gets results, they'll hire more and put them in more stores.

Which brings up another question.
5) At what point does this project stop getting paid out of the $300 million "Vista's not as bad as you think" budget and get its own budget?

Sep 05, 08 - 05:39 pm Comment from: HMCIV

@Macaday

"Have they EVER had one single original idea?"


Yes! It was their idea to copy Apple. (See above)

Sep 05, 08 - 05:44 pm Comment from: Jubei

Thats just pathetic....

Actually, I think Microsoft's best idea, and the one that made their success, was the contracts with OEMs that required them to pay Microsoft a license fee for every unit they sold, whether or not that unit had a Microsoft OS installed.

Genius, ethically questionable, but genius.

Brilliant. GURU also happens to be an acronym for:

Great Understanding. Relatively Useless.

Sep 05, 08 - 06:38 pm Comment from: Zune Tang®

Where do I sign up?

Your potential. Our passion.™

flippin ace holes.
pa-the-tic

Sep 05, 08 - 07:15 pm Comment from: PT

Allow me to preface this with I hate microsh*t and everything they stand for. But wow, how tragic it is that the company with 85-90% of the market needs to mimic the business practices of a company with less than 10%. It certainly wouldn't inspire me if I was a microsh*t shareholder. While adaptation is obviously important in any competitive environment, usually however, its finding what works best for your business culture that works best, not co-opting somebody else's way. Use it for guidance perhaps, but straight copy? (well I guess it is microsh*t's standard business model anyway). The message it sends is simple and very loud: we're finally admitting we're done...the cupboard really is is bare so we'll just overtly follow apple (obviously the market innovator), without any pretense of doing otherwise. No wonder intelligent, rational people see microsh*t as very uncool...that's because they are. Let the suckage at redmond continue so eventually it swallows itself and we're free of the scourge of crappy products branded microsh*t

What I see happening, and I really hope it does;
People don't care that the "Gurus" are just salespeople.
Having a live face to confront will bring out every Microsoft sufferer within fifty miles, to ask for help with their computer woes, and advice on getting anything Windows to work.
The "Gurus" will get so tired of being abused for Windows' afflictions, and repeating their mantra that they aren't technicians, and don't do support, that they start freaking out in public, and finally all quit en masse.

Fun times ahead!