“Microsoft on Friday said that its $300 million marketing campaign will now involve in-store representatives to promote the brand, the company’s general manager of corporate communications, Tom Pilla, says. Effectively mimicking Apple’s Geniuses as well as their floor specialists, Microsoft will run a trial later this year that sees 155 trained experts in Windows, nicknamed Microsoft Gurus, answering questions at larger retail chains such as Best Buy and Circuit City,” Electronista reports.
“The Gurus will answer both general questions about computers and giving their own demos of different Microsoft programs and services working in tandem, including Windows Vista as well as Windows Mobile-based smartphones and Windows Live web features,” Electronista reports.
Full article here.
Why “Gurus?” Because if they were “geniuses,” they’d already be Mac users.
Weak. Really weak, Microsoft. What a shitty company.
They are going to need far more then 155 gurus to fix all the problems with windows.
Will they be dressed as giant paperclips?
“Gurus” makes sense, since I’m mystified as to why anyone uses M$ products.
They’re called “gurus” because they have to import them from Bombay, India. I mean noone else understands Windows in all its variants like a Bombay-guru!
Boy, they are going to need a lot of those. Just connecting a laptop to a Wifi network, you need a certificate of sorts.
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Woooooowww! what a great innovation company Microsoft is….
I am so surprised!!!! (sarcasm)
It’s not even funny anymore, it’s just sad.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…not to mention a first class indicator that the imitator is fresh out of new ideas…
They’ll try to trick you into thinking that you’re really not in a sticky situation. That’s why they’re called Goo Ruse.
Ballmer came to work today wearing a black mock turtleneck and jeans.
it is a lame and blatant ripoff of course. But Apple geniuses? That’s always bothered the crap out of me. I mean, come on, Geniuses? Give me a break. If they were geniuses, why are they working in a low paying customer support mall job for pete’s sake. No, they’re just best buy geek squad level tech support with an assinine and egotistical job title.
OBill-Wan Kenobi,
“Fresh out of new ideas” mistakenly implies that Microsoft actually had new ideas until just recently, when, in fact, they’ve never had any meaningful new ideas in their company’s history.
I’d be interested to read the “Guru” job description – are they hired for their technical expertise, or for their ability to put positive spin on Microsoft’s poor products? I’m guessing the latter will be at least as important as the former.
MW: pressure, as in Microsoft must really be feeling it.
I say we call them “Microsoft Bobs”
Didn’t they already take the Lotus position a long time ago?
My suggestion would be “Ballmer Bozos”.
Not very smart.
Considering the problems with Windows, the line will be so long that they’ll have to have signs along the path…”approximate wait time: 97 hours”
The “gurus” won’t have time to do demos.
Suppose I want to switch from Mac to Windows. Will the gurus help me transfer all my files?
This is great news! I was hoping to have a Guru show me how to work my Apple iTele. There seems to be a conflict between running Window’s Vista and the teleportation system on my iTele. I need a Guru to help solve these problems.
reminds me of the “zzzzzzz” cloud in the old Amiga system, “guru meditation” indeed!!
Does no one here read the actual articles??
“The Gurus will answer both general questions about computers and giving their own demos of different Microsoft programs and services working in tandem, including Windows Vista as well as Windows Mobile-based smartphones and Windows Live web features. Like their Apple counterparts, the Windows-focused agents won’t be paid by commission and will instead focus on their ability to help whichever customers they receive.
Repairs and other technical support won’t be part of the new program.”
In other words, these “Gurus” will not solve your computer problem, they are just there to sell Vista.
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Microsoft is hiring 155 Vista sales man, which is just what they said they were going to do with the $300 million. Polish the Vista turd….. er image.
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Just a thought.
en
Imagine the nineteenth time, on the first day, a newly-minted Guru hears, “Why doesn’t this shit work?”
“Considering the problems with Windows, the line will be so long that they’ll have to have signs along the path…’approximate wait time: 97 hours'”
MS Guru: “In my line we had three births, seven deaths and several people met, dated, got married and started a family. The one guy with a Zune walked around trying to squirt people. After he was beaten unconscious, people tried to call 911 but their phones kept crashing. After a few weeks, it really started to stink.”
Might be time to start compiling the list of MS Guru Stumper issues and questions. Knowing how MS works they’ll be underpaid, under trained and have little real knowledge on how to troubleshoot any Windows’ issues. It will be a half assed attempt at getting customers to buy PC and Phones with Windows.
Get ready for the MS Office Mac Questions too, After all no one wants to use Mac users to just look like were heckling the poor MS Guru, for the fun of it.
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“Repairs and other technical support won’t be part of the new program.”
So, the program is designed to mostly just piss people off. That’s genius.
Best Buy and Circuit City are not Microsoft companies. A couple of questions arise.
1) Who is responsible for hiring, training and setting and maintaining employee standards?
2) Who is paying the wages?
3) Who is paying for any floor space dedicated to this idea?
4) What do Best Buy’s and Circuit City’s other suppliers, some of whom have competing products, think of this?
“Will they be dressed as giant paperclips?”
No, as giant toilet paper dispensers.
Widget
Gadget
Genius
Guru
Apple
Assclowns
I don’t know if there’s actually a pattern here. There’s one hell of a damn tendency, though. Sad indeed.
Oh, and I forgot:
iPod
Turd (aka, zune)
MS Guru: “Excuse me sir. Would you like me to slap you in the face or would you like a demo of Windows Vista?”
Customer: “I’ll take the less painful option.”
MS Guru: <SMACK>
I kind of like the “Guru” moniker more than the “Genius” one because as a certified genius myself
” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”smile” style=”border:0;” /> I am always bothered by the way in which the term is so often trivialised.
That being said, what a dumb idea this is. How will it even work if there are only 155 of them? Presumably they won’t be assigned to a particular store full time as that would leave many thousands of stores without anyone. So what are the odds that when you go to a store, you will happen to run across one of these guys?
Another thing to think about: In my city we recently got an Apple store (finally!), and it’s a tiny itsy-bitsy mall store. When I went there for the first time last week (it’s been open for a while), there were 23 blue-shirts helpers, 8 orange shirt helpers, and five geniuses on hand. All in a store that looked to be about the size of my first bachelor apartment.
155 people paid by MS to go around and help users at stores is just ridiculous. Almost certainly these guys will in practice be more like travelling sales/promotion types than they will be “Geniuses/Gurus.” They are the kind of smarmy jerks that will try to sell you something. How could they possibly solve anyone’s problems when they will be leaving town for the next store when they get up tomorrow.
Honestly, I prefer guru to genius. I hate having to call someone a genius. You walk in the store, I’m here to pick up my macbook. Well one of our geniuses will be right with you. Or you call on the phone about something and they say just come to the store and ask for a genius.
If you make $8 bucks an hour I don’t have to call you genius. But that’s not really it, I don’t call anyone genius. Except for myself of course
” width=”19″ height=”19″ alt=”smile” style=”border:0;” /> and not very often.
How will it even work if there are only 155 of them? Presumably they won’t be assigned to a particular store full time as that would leave many thousands of stores without anyone.
All 155 Gurus will be assigned to a single store, but a different one each day. So in 3 years, they will have visited a thousand stores.
They won’t do technical or repair work… does transferring Windows files to a new Mac count?
I’m buying my tickets NOW for the Guru’s
M$ Equation Editor Demo.
You’ll be able to distinguish the MS Gurus from the other store help by the red START button on their foreheads
@ Fred
“”Fresh out of new ideas” mistakenly implies that Microsoft actually had new ideas until just recently, when, in fact, they’ve never had any meaningful new ideas in their company’s history.”
Yes, they had one overwhelming new idea that made them what they are today. It was back in ’84 or ’85, when they were sitting around thinking up ways to get ahead at all cost, when someone suggested, ” Hey, let’s copy that Macintosh thing that Apple has.”. That was their shining moment.
“Guru”: A person who really doesn’t know anything and hasn’t accomplished anything real, but is able to shovel enough BS that people start believing him. See “The Love Guru” starring Mike Myers, for a perfect example.
Microsoft Gurus won’t be doing any repairs/troubleshooting/help because that would take business away from Geek Squad and Firedog, which are cash cows for Best Buy and Circuit City, respectively, since they focus on repairing and setting up Windows PCs.
Notice Best Buy and Circuit City don’t repair digital cameras, TVs, washers and dryers, etc.
Only Windows PCs. Repeat business is the best!
Gurus chant mantras to drive away evil spirits.
Aum Klim Kalika-yei Namaha
This mantra is said to bring relief or escape from difficult situations, but sometimes in drastic fashion.
Aum Asato mā sad gamaya
From ignorance, lead me to truth;
Microsoft have always been good at copying, but really, this takes it to a new level.
Have they EVER had one single original idea?
I hear if this idea doesn’t work, they’ll team up with the Jehovah’s Witnesses to sell Vista door to door. However, they won’t get their commission unless they ring the doorbell TEN times.
@jeremy
“How will it even work if there are only 155 of them?”
It will work like all things microsoft: very painfully and without making any sense.
They mean 155,000, right?
Trial run. 155 for a trial run. If it gets results, they’ll hire more and put them in more stores.
Which brings up another question.
5) At what point does this project stop getting paid out of the $300 million “Vista’s not as bad as you think” budget and get its own budget?
@Macaday
“Have they EVER had one single original idea?”
Yes! It was their idea to copy Apple. (See above)
Thats just pathetic….
Actually, I think Microsoft’s best idea, and the one that made their success, was the contracts with OEMs that required them to pay Microsoft a license fee for every unit they sold, whether or not that unit had a Microsoft OS installed.
Genius, ethically questionable, but genius.
Brilliant. GURU also happens to be an acronym for:
Great Understanding. Relatively Useless.
Where do I sign up?
Your potential. Our passion.™
flippin ace holes.
pa-the-tic
Allow me to preface this with I hate microsh*t and everything they stand for. But wow, how tragic it is that the company with 85-90% of the market needs to mimic the business practices of a company with less than 10%. It certainly wouldn’t inspire me if I was a microsh*t shareholder. While adaptation is obviously important in any competitive environment, usually however, its finding what works best for your business culture that works best, not co-opting somebody else’s way. Use it for guidance perhaps, but straight copy? (well I guess it is microsh*t’s standard business model anyway). The message it sends is simple and very loud: we’re finally admitting we’re done…the cupboard really is is bare so we’ll just overtly follow apple (obviously the market innovator), without any pretense of doing otherwise. No wonder intelligent, rational people see microsh*t as very uncool…that’s because they are. Let the suckage at redmond continue so eventually it swallows itself and we’re free of the scourge of crappy products branded microsh*t
What I see happening, and I really hope it does;
People don’t care that the “Gurus” are just salespeople.
Having a live face to confront will bring out every Microsoft sufferer within fifty miles, to ask for help with their computer woes, and advice on getting anything Windows to work.
The “Gurus” will get so tired of being abused for Windows’ afflictions, and repeating their mantra that they aren’t technicians, and don’t do support, that they start freaking out in public, and finally all quit en masse.
Fun times ahead!
Poor bastards!
As far as MS goes, they really don’t have any clue how to innovate on their own.
Short the stock, Honey! It’s gonna go bust!
Well good luck, Micro$oft. Here are the four words:. Ready? Too Little, Too Late.
I’ll presume Micro$oft will be hiring out of the ranks of unemployed Plumbers. They have the most experience with turds.
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@ too funny
Another lame Windows troll you are. Descended to the darkside you have.
guru – a religious percept or teacher, often the person from whom one receives initiation or consecration.
And they call the Mac community a cult…
BWAHAHAHAHA!
I don’t need to know the details of the plan to know the expertise levels of these ‘gurus’. They’ll be marketing dweebs who know how to talk trash, sell stuff and run demos. Good bloody luck getting them to troubleshoot how to connect your new Vista laptop to your Windows XP LAN.
“Uh, could you please define the term L-A-N for me?”
HeeHeeHeeHee!
In any case, setting aside the subjects of user-friendliness and sanity, I’d rather be an Apple ‘genius’ in any case. Imagine having to help Windows users with gawd-knows-what hardware configurations causing WTF problems with OMFG Windows versions YHGTBK 95 – Vista (which itself has 6 [-S I X-] versions). If Microsoft expected that kind of expertise of their ‘gurus’ (and you can damned well bet they won’t) you could bet the guru jobs would have a rapid turnover. Who needs the grief?
Imagine the embarrassment of explaining to your family and friends that your not working as a porn star at all, but have become a Microsoft Guru. Oh the shame of it all, your only out is to suck on a gun.
These sound more like salespeople than “Geniuses” “Oh we can’t fix your computer but here is what it could do if it could do it”
Here is what one guy at BetaNews who’s a PC user had to say about this crap:
http://www.betanews.com/article/An_ad_about_nothing_First_Seinfeld_Gates_ad_omitted_Vista/1220637310#c1823199
(Play the 2nd video)
Oops, if there was an edit button I would have change my above post to mean 1st video, not 2nd.
“Microsoft fires up the photocopiers once again”
They’re still using photocopiers?
C’mon Folks
Let’s be fair
This is really a pretty good idea
20 years ago
BC
Where do I throw up?
Your potential. Our Blunder.™
I hope these “gurus” are identified as such with a badge or other some other means. When I go to a store like Best Buy, I want a salesperson that is unbiased and willing to discuss the positives and negatives of any product. If they aren’t identified as such then this is pretty underhanded. But hey, that’s Microsoft for you.
gurus will teach you yoga so you can be calm and accept that the function will never work except a lengthy work around . Microsoft will have a booklet on how to handle mac fanatics because well be all bombarding them to stop them selling anymore suckwares. Ëhh
That’s really pathetic.
And it won’t work. The Apple Genius Bar works because it is real tech support. They can accept broken hardware, order parts, and perform repairs. What are these poor Windows experts supposed to do, except go through basic scripted troubleshooting which ends with advice to contact HP (or Dell or Gateway or whatever) tech support to get the problem fixed?
Just like Microsoft to “copy” Apple, but not get it right.
Gurus? Microsoft must be losing their touch…if the gods have left the building.
All the new guru’s will be wearing sporty new “Conquistadors” and have warm Churros available all the time — not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Guru is a perfect name.
For every one legitimate ‘guru’ out there, there are probably a hundred of fakers who just want to take your money by telling you what you want to hear! They want you to ignore what is in front of your eyes, look at the sunny side, stop and smell the roses (while your PeeCee is rebooting from the BSD), and basically use positive thinking to make your problems go away.
Geniuses, on the other hand, are problem solvers, innovators, and folks who actually make things happen.
Sort of says it all, don’t it?
Remember, Gee, yoU aRe yoU ™!
MDN MW = says as in Svengali Says
Mafiasoft is so lazy in order to realize why Apple do things. That’s why they take long to start the photocopiers.
Microsoft drones couldn’t mimic Apple geniuses if they had a script!
“Knowing how MS works they’ll be underpaid, under trained and have little real knowledge on how to troubleshoot any Windows’ issues. “
hen they’ll truly be matching Apple “Geniuses” ability to support Macs.
“as a certified genius myself”
Sure, like that means anything. For the real world to recognise you as a genius, you have to prove that you did more than just cram for IQ tests.
But you are right, no-one who works retail in an Apple store supporting computers could be classed as a Genius.
So when is Apple going to put it;s foot down and enought is enought… it time to send Apple’s legal stock troops in to action!
As for M$$$.. their simple a kid trying to play in someone else sand box and the other kid has turned around yet!
“But you are right, no-one who works retail in an Apple store supporting computers could be classed as a Genius.”
Absolutely. No more than an assistant examiner in a Swiss patent office. </sarcasm>
Idiot.
OT:
This is the most hilarious thread in a long time. But I have to point out the ‘genius’ of Nick Fury. The best guffaws I’ve had this week. The mock-out of the Zing Zang creature is also much appreciated. Nothing ticks off evil (or marketing morons, including trolls) like the sound of laughter.
;-D
@ therepguy
I’m interested. What exactly should Apple put it’s “foot down” about and “send Apple’s legal stock troops in to action” for??? Your blind fanboy statement is beyond idiotic.
I’m beginning to think the average age of some of the posters here is 8. Yes let’s sue Microsoft because they have technical support employees. Grow up Fanboys….
Bring them on. Can’t wait to talk to them at the stores and mess with their heads in front of other customers. “So, what percentage of the market does the Zune Command?” or “Hey, can you explain the differences between the 27 different varieties of Windows?” Ahh, it’ll be so much fun, it’s almost unfair.
To derekcurrie:
Thanks.
The sad part is that the term ‘guru’ has been commonly used to describe experts in various types of computer systems (UNIX and hard core command line stuff mostly) for decades. Now MSFT finally wants to (mis)appropriate the catchy term. I supposed trying to be original with titles like Windows Winos or Windows Fixers don’t sound as good. I think the first challenge someone should ask a W-guru is to configure Vista on a ‘Vista-capable’ PC.
Ahhh Gurus from the US northwest, like salmonella bearing Bhagwanites (orange robed rich nutters) who tried to poison the local council—beware of gurus bearing gifts, is sage advice for anybody in the vicinity.
Now who’s a cult?
“I think you’re going to need a new computer”
You people really have no idea how much Apple Genius’ make do you? Do you think Apple is paying their technicians, the same technicians who trouble-shoot, diagnose, and repair your Mac 8 bucks an hour? You’re kidding yourselves. Mac Genius’ work for AppleCare not Apple Retail.
The folks at my local store know their stuff, and the ones that have worked there and clearly don’t know jack, do not last very long. I give them credit for what they do – anyone who works in the service industry who has to put up with a lot of angry people and not go off and shoot somebody deserves a medal.
“Absolutely. No more than an assistant examiner in a Swiss patent office”
And how many Nobel prize winners has the Apple “Genius” bar produced? About as many as the Gap, Starbucks and MacDonald’s have from their front line employees. That looks likely to be the way for the foreseeable future.
In Apple’s vocabulary “Genius” means a loser who couldn’t get a real IT job so they gave up and started working in an Apple store.
Gurus because they’ll try to pull the wool over your head.
O.K., now you’re just making arrogant assumptions and generalizations with an assholish dose of hyperbole. I’ll bet your anger and pessimism makes you a whole lot of friends. Been to the Jerk Store lately?
“O.K., now you’re just making arrogant assumptions and generalizations with an assholish dose of hyperbole. I’ll bet your anger and pessimism makes you a whole lot of friends. Been to the Jerk Store lately?”
Take yourself out of fayboy mode for a sec there hotshot. As much as I love Apple Computers, iPods, and my iPhones, – I hate blind fanboyism.
I suppose it makes you feel that you are “one of the crowd” by calling someone a “jerk” who does nothing but speak the truth, huh???
Apple Geniuses make about $20 an hour and there is little room for advancement. The IT department in my company starts off their techs at our Pay grade 17 which pays $31-$38 an hour (most are hired mid level or around $35), and there are 5 levels of upgrade or advanacement, up to our Grade 24 which pays $56-66 an hour. Plus everyone gets full medical, dental, prescription, 3X salary life insurance, 401K with a 4 1/2% match, and a cash balance pension which the company contributes 5% of your salary each year. And they are looking for qualified people all the time…..
The poster was 100% correct, Apple’s so called “Geniuses” are the ones who can’t cut it in the real IT world… But hey, everyone else is a “jerk” to you because after all, Apple employees get to wear “really cool” and “really gorgeous” T shirts with the Apple Logo. How “delicious” is that???? I bet the back of Apple’s T Shirts look better than the front of the other guys (ALL FANBOYS LAUGH IN UNISON AT THIS REAL FUNNY JOKE AGAIN!!!!)
I wouldn’t want to be hired as a Guru, I’ll tell you that right now.
Those people will get abused so bad it isn’t even funny.
These aren’t Genius roles because they won’t be trained technicians, only sales people with a different title. But if the press keeps pushing that they are the same as Apple Geniuses then they will be abused so bad that I think most of them will quit. To support just one Windows customer would take hours! There are to many variables to answer most if not all the problems that would arise. I don’t see any customer going away from a Guru with a firm answer that would make them happy. Microsoft blows it again!!!!
Al, you need to get your facts straight. I worked in the IT world for over 14 years and I know both sides of the coin. Windows is pitiful against OSX. It’s bloated, slow, takes up to many resources, it’s not secure, viruses, trojans, spyware everywhere. When I worked in IT for companies like SAP, Lockheed, most problems were because Windows was infected. I also worked with companies that had Macs, which rarely needed any support at all except when it was time to upgrade software, that’s it. Most of us have seen both sides and know the BIG difference. You can call us fanboys all you want, the facts still remain.
@Al
You missed the point entirely. Congratulations.
P.S. Here’s a hint. Take Apple out. Take the ridiculous title of “Genius” out. It’s the stereotype and generalization that because someone works in retail or customer service that he or she isn’t capable of greater accomplishments in any field at another time. This assumes you know them all, who they are and where they are headed, whether they are in school or what other talents they have and it’s a typical condemnation of ambition and human potential coming from ignorance and blind arrogance.
I’d like to see a so-called Apple Genius prove worthy of the title and fix MobileMess.™©®
@Didymus the Blind
“You missed the point entirely. Congratulations.”
No problem. Enjoy your $20 “Genius” job…
@ John
“Al, you need to get your facts straight. I worked in the IT world for over 14 years and I know both sides of the coin.”
Gee 14 years, I’m SOOOO Impressed. So what you are saying is REAL IT professionals would rather work as a Apple Tech (where every hardware problem is “It’s the Logic board”) and earn $18 – $20 an hour instead of a job that pays 10’s of thousands a year more because it’s easier…
14 years my ass.. By the way moron, I built more hardware in my time that you will ever dream of – Starting with my 1st Apple II back in the 70’s, remember, when Apple made computer that people could actually work on and were expandable…
“Starting with my 1st Apple II back in the 70’s, remember, when Apple made computer that people could actually work on and were expandable…”
So Al, you sound like you might be a grandparent with a grandchild or two working in customer service or retail.
“Been to the Jerk Store lately?”
Yes, it was full of Apple “Geniuses” like yourself. Mostly they were there because they had an inflated view of their place in the universe.
Careful MS, some of those Mac ‘Geniuses’ arn’t that smart.
“Yes, it was full of Apple “Geniuses” like yourself.”
I’m not one and I think the title is ridiculous. My point was about stereotypes and generalizations.
What are the Mac user stereotypes? How many are absolute truths?
Don’t hurt yourself.
MW: types. Nice.
@Jeremy
‘…because as a certified genius myself ….’
From the quality of your grammar/punctuation, I call bullsh*t.