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Apr 11, 08 - 11:30 am Comment from: Jay-Z

Aghahahahahahahaha

This is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.

?First?
Yet another example of "You can't make this S#*t up!!!
LOL

MW="few" Just too perfect

They should open them right next to the Apple stores and see what happens!

This is hilarious.

The stores would get egged at best and possibly stoned!

Customers could actually confront them with the problems they experience with their products. That would be a hoot.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:32 am Comment from: mossman

I suggest that, should such stores open, we encourage anyone who has ever encountered a Microsoft-based problem (i.e. everyone) to confront the poor saps working there.

No need to kill the minimum-wage messenger, but if it's a constant barrage of negative comments from "customers" in these stores, the less-informed passers-by may start associating their computer problems with the company actually responsible for most of them.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:33 am Comment from: Winston

To truly reproduce the Microsoft experience, they'll have to flood the HVAC with airborne pathogens and require everyone to put on a Norton™ gas mask when they walk in. Oh, and let shady Russian mafiosos look at your credit card numbers.

this is sad.

can't they do anything original

they look so pathetic.

at least the stores will have relaxing blue lighting

Apr 11, 08 - 11:35 am Comment from: Jubei

When you check out, the checker will tell you 10 different way to pay and options on how you want your receipt printed. When they bag it, you have to choose 10 types of bags. Do you want basic to premium bag?

Apr 11, 08 - 11:35 am Comment from: Mr. Reeee

April 1st was a couple of weeks ago.

The thought of a Microsoft store makes me ill.

What will they sell?
Windows, mice keyboards, XBox and the Big-Ass Table?

I'm beginning to think of Microsoft as an elaborate money laundering operation.

Sure, they'll be opening in 2009, no wait 2010, or maybe 2011. There'll be 5 versions of the store, with a different entry fee for each. They'll also need to authenticate you before you enter, and at other odd times if for example you take your hat off while in the store. Occasionally all the staff will freeze in one spot for about 10 minutes.

Oh, and don't be in there on a Tuesday.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:39 am Comment from: Cowboy

This makes no sense at all. What are they going to complete with their partners again? Sheesh, MS is so screwed up.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:41 am Comment from: Cubert

Can you imagine what the color scheme would look like? Are there going to be multiple stickers all over the walls?

Apr 11, 08 - 11:42 am Comment from: scottschor

Mr. Rheee ... my thoughts exactly. Someone in the marketing department somewhere forgot to file this story on April 1st.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:42 am Comment from: Ray

When I went to Brazil, a few years ago, the hotel I stayed in had an internet cafe. Every morning the technicians would install a "fresh" copy of Windows and by night time the machines were stuffed to the gills with malware and porn ads. If M$ tries to have machines that users can play with just like the Mac store...I can just imagine how the PC's will look at the end of each day at the M$ shop.

Just my $0.02

Over 95% market share and they have to open stores?! Wow.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:42 am Comment from: Metryq

It would be like those places in Japan where people can go to break dishes and smash things.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:43 am Comment from: Petey

LOL - So that's how Microsoft is gonna piss off all it's business partners in one go.

Excellent.

And yet again - they copy Apple's lead.

Imagine the dire shopping experience you are going to get at a Microsoft store.

I can see it now... there will be nothing you can buy in the store and as soon as you enter the shop a Microsoft Salesmans demands your credit card details and brainwashes you into buying an enterprise Windows Vista Licence.

LOL. - this has the word FAIL written all over it.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:45 am Comment from: JAYGEE

How will they show Windows off? Are they going to have non Microsoft hardware in-store? As last time I checked, Microsoft don't make their own computers for Windows.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:46 am Comment from: Buster

This is great news. Please please please have your outlent in a suburban mall beside a Starbucks. Can you imagine sitting outside on a lovely sunny day enjoying a capuccino and watching what people would do to the store? Most people I know hate MS (and the majority of these are PeeCee users).
This would be like going to a stoning or a hanging like in the good old days.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:46 am Comment from: ericdano

Finally, Zune Tang's "skills" can be used. Hey Tang, you can finally move out of your mom's basement and maybe afford a place of your own.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:47 am Comment from: MCCFR

Personally, I welcome Steve Ballmer's latest 'innovation' in taking Microsoft into the retail space: actually they should open retail stores in every main street and shopping mall in North America, Europe and Japan.

Just a couple of questions though…

• If the stores are Microsoft products only and most people are already running a Windows-based computer, what will they be buying from the store? Zune? An Intellimouse?

• If the stores also sell hardware, which OEM will they favour? HP (in which case, you offend Dell and the rest)? Dell (in which case you offend HP and the rest)? Why be an OEM partner to a company that doesn't see you as a partner? Let's ask all the companies that signed up to PlayedForSure.

• Maybe you won't favour a single OEM and instead you'll see hardware from many manufacturers? I'm sure that'll be acceptable to Fry's, BestBuy, PC World and all the other resellers.

No, I'm sure all of these questions are unnecessary! A massive intellect like Steve Ballmer would have thought of all of these issues.

MS's NYC grand opening of its first store will include an almost-live concert of the Stones playing Wheel Me In.

The opening will be delayed six weeks because of a shortage of bullet-proof vests for the "associates."

Magic Word: indeed.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:48 am Comment from: Spark

That article sounds like it was written by Zune Tang. Are we sure that is not a reprint of something released on April 1?

Apr 11, 08 - 11:49 am Comment from: John Gee

What?

This is a becoming reality! http://www.theonion.com/content/news/thousands_wait_overnight_at

Apr 11, 08 - 11:52 am Comment from: ron

They can hire the homeless to staff the Genius (not) counter.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:52 am Comment from: lurker

Lets see -
Apple - store full of hardware and software all playing together nicely

Microsoft - store full of crappy OS in retail boxes, some titles like Office, Flight Simulator, Streets and Trips etc. Playing on what hardware? Anything they might use would be an implicit endorsement of that vendor. Or maybe one of each HP, Dell, what ever is in WalMart that day. what fun.

Being a copycat when you don't understand the question is very dangerous.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:53 am Comment from: LateRegistrant

Checkout clerk to manager: "Customer wants to buy this piece of junk. Cancel or allow?"

Apr 11, 08 - 11:54 am Comment from: Madmax

They could include a 'Dummies Bar'

Apr 11, 08 - 11:55 am Comment from: Petey

I can see it now... the unveiling of the flagship Microsoft store in NYC.

The curtain will drop and you will see a cube made out of tank armour so that that the 1000's of pissed-off New York Windows users cant get in.

There will be air holes in the side of this metal monolith so that the 'suckers' (store employees) who work in this confined environment can breath.

There will be an electrified fence around the store with pressure sensitive plates around by the laser locked entrance which measures your windows frustration level as you get near the building.

If you get too near the shop you will be grabbed by a fat bald man who will be driving a large lorry full of broken chairs.

This retail experience will be incredible!

When you saddle up to the Almost-Average-IQ Big-Ass-Table (= genius bar), the table will automatically scan your credit card and start buying things without your permission while the salesperson distracts you.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:57 am Comment from: Ampar

To Winston:

And a giant paper clip will follow your every move.

"It looks like you're shopping for a mouse. Do you need help with choosing a mouse?"

Several times a day the store will close at random and for no apparent reason. The public address system will announce a long string of letters and numbers to explain why.

At the checkout, your bag will be stuffed full with offers for free Viagra, international lottery winnings and Photoshop for $10.00.

The store will be twenty times larger than a Wal-Mart Superstore in true, grandiose Microsoft style. They will have motorized carts to transport customers around the store. But no drivers.

Apr 11, 08 - 11:57 am Comment from: Madmax

The Dummies Bar would, of course, just comprise of a large wall mirror and a ledge upon which the customer could place the PC he/she is having problems with and stare at the dummy in front of them..

Apr 11, 08 - 12:00 pm Comment from: Petey

LOL - this is gonna run and run...

The problem with this are many. One of the biggest is; Microsoft ALREADY has market penetration. You can buy Microsoft products EVERYWHERE. Creating a specialty shop is only problematic.

I am amazed that someone actually thought this would be a good idea.

Apr 11, 08 - 12:03 pm Comment from: Lazy European

'Eh... I'm sorry... But you could try the Apple store.'

Apr 11, 08 - 12:04 pm Comment from: Petey

Only the biggest idiot in the world would have come up with an idea like this.

Microsoft are gonna make the stores probably as some sort of corporate tax scam.

This is a great day for people who sell pearl necklaces and lipstick, because Microsoft is going to need a lot of it for their pigs.

Oh, what will they fail at next?

Just when you thought they couldn't sink any lower! This combined with the astonishing (non) success of the Zune, combined with the Yahoo debacle, with a dash of Vista on top . . . Microsoft is going DOWN. Awesome.

forgot the splendor of the big ass table. We should be selling tickets.

I apologize all of you for all my previous remarks.

Zune Tang

Apr 11, 08 - 12:11 pm Comment from: JadisOne

That's going to be a joke. BSODs as far as the eye can see.

Apple has a retail presence because they have thought out that experience over many years, and have matured their vision. For one thing, they have actual hardware products that pull people in to play.

What will Microsoft be able to showcase? They will have Dell or HP computers, Zunes, mice, keyboards, probably their new touch table that no one could afford, and a bunch of their software bloatware that has gotten really stale. Oh, and they'll also have Yahoo!

So there's two inititives that will be a money-pit.

1. @Zune Tang: you've nothing to apologize for. Your comments are very entertaining and it's even more fun to watch how you get the fanbois' knickers in a twist.

2. Obviously, Microsoft has more dollars than sense.

Apr 11, 08 - 12:13 pm Comment from: It's About Time

Imagine what the Zune display would look like. Imagine people sick to their stomachs.

Cute. Now they'll need tech support to unlock the front door, maintenance to replace the burned out bulbs daily and someone to rotate the old inventory to keep from gathering dust.

Apr 11, 08 - 12:14 pm Comment from: HMCIV

I saw Four Horsemen and a Lamb with seven horns and seven eyes. I wonder if that has any connection to today's rumor?

nothing sexy about selling boxes of software...

look for this to be a store by committee...

like broadcasting.... somewhat appalling to many, useful to few

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!! That truly is one of the funniest things I've ever heard!!!!! They'll be selling the same Vista OS for the next 3-4 years at least, yeah, great.... Now THAT's innovation!!!!

... while the Monolith engages in some epic floundering about! Lock up the women and children!

What exactly are they going to sell in these stores? Boxed software, Zune & Xbox?

Maybe they can just rent a couple feet at the end of Apple's Genius Bar...

Epic, epic self-delusion.

Microsoft trying to reach out to consumers... They don't know what they're in for!

Apr 11, 08 - 12:15 pm Comment from: Jubei

This is the sad thing about having a monopoly. They can keep losing billions upon billions of dollars, because they know that revenue will always be coming in. Doesn't matter if they produce mediocre products, failed products, failed acquisitions.... no worries whatsoever. We got a monopoly. We make money no matter what the heck we do..... How pathetic is that? LOL