“Useless lawsuits are one of the great traditions of American jurisprudence. These costly and time-consuming actions serve only to reflect the inherent greed and foolishness of the plaintiffs. The recent trend of morbidly obese people suing fast food restaurants for causing their conditions seems to have vanished. This should by no means reflect a crisis of conscience in those unwilling to take responsibility for their lives. If anything, the vultures and parasites among us are alive and well,” Christopher J. Stephens writes for The National Ledger.
“The latest flavor in our national candy sampler of people we should not know goes by the name of John Kiel Patterson. The only identification most reports have offered about Patterson is his state of origin (Louisiana) and his name. This is just as well. Whether Patterson is 16 or 66, he will be temporarily fixed in a flimsy file in our memory cabinet as the man who initiated a class action lawsuit against Microsoft’s Apple Computer, Inc. [sic] for creating and marketing ipods that are ‘inherently defective in design’ and ‘not sufficiently adorned with adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss,'” Stephens writes.
MacDailyNews Take: Microsoft’s Apple Computer, Inc.?! Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Chris? You had us at “useless.” Don’t screw it all up with some crazy-ass Freudian slip. Now, get back on track… [Update: Feb. 5, 10:58am EST: Original article now shows that “Microsoft’s” has been removed.]
Stephens continues, “It might be understandable at this point if Patterson had actually experienced hearing loss. His attorney Steve B. Merman [sic: it’s Steve W. Berman] claims that’s beside the point of the lawsuit. For Berman, Patterson, and anybody else who might want to jump on this potential gravy train, it’s about the potential the product provides… On paper, there seems to be logic in this premise. If a product is defective and has the potential to cause damage, it should be recalled and repaired. Warnings are plainly visible on the packaging, but they may not be enough. Read between and beneath the lines and the logic falls apart. There is risk in everything if we turn off our brains before absorbing any given experience. If a plaintiff like John Kiel Patterson is allowed to collect damages for likely hearing loss, the potential for future foolishness is unlimited.”
Full article here.
Another potential benefit of useless, baseless lawsuits against products that Stephens fails to mention is to help out “competitors” that happen to lack the ability to compete. The iPod nano scratches lawsuit – also handled by the same Microsoft-retained vulture Steve W. Berman, by the way – didn’t work to slow iPod sales; maybe a ridiculous lawsuit against iPod for potentially causing hearing damage will? Highly doubtful, but why let common sense and facts (all iPods ship with volume controls and the warning: “Avoid Hearing Damage*”) stand in the way of filing in a U.S. court, right?
*From Apple’s iPod User’s Guide: Avoid Hearing Damage: Warning: Permanent hearing loss may occur if earbuds or headphones are used at high volume. You can adapt over time to a higher volume of sound, which may sound normal but can be damaging to your hearing. Set your iPod volume to a safe level before that happens. If you experience ringing in your ears, reduce the volume or discontinue use of your iPod.
Apple’s iPod User’s Guide also states: Avoid Wet Locations” Warning: To reduce the chance of shock or injury, do not use your iPod in or near water or wet locations.” Stay tuned for Berman’s upcoming lawsuit filing when he finds a client who wants to sue Apple because he or she thought about taking a shower with their iPod.
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Related articles:
Report: Apple iPod hearing loss lawsuit headed by Microsoft retained trial lawyer – February 02, 2006
iPod user sues Apple over hearing loss [UPDATED] – February 01, 2006
Pro-Microsoft attorney involved in anti-Apple iPod nano lawsuit – October 25, 2005
[Jerky Boys] “Nnhhh . . . sue EVERYBODY!” [/Jerky Boys]
The National Ledger needs to find a journalist that can actually differentiate between “Microsoft” and “Apple” before letting them write about a frivolous lawsuit against either. I had to do a double-take when my eyes ran across that “freudian slip”… then I laughed my a** off!
OMFG!! 2nd!!!
MDNMW: BLOOD!
LOL BLOOD
SDRG!!! IODRGZDO!!
DKG!! %()#*!! GTRMLD!!!
ZDRG!!!!!!!
LOL…
Frivilous lawsuits are good for entertainment value if nothing else.
Maybe this Steve W. Berman will get lucky and score a hit 3rd time around? Good luck buddy. Suckers.
Haha, MW=chance. I kid you not.
Headphones have been around for longer than I’ve been alive (coming up to 50 now) and they’ve always been able to blow away my ears. Okay, they are better at it now. Ever since the Sony Walkman. Hey, why aren’t you suing Sony, or Pioneer, or TDK, or Philips, or Sennheiser? Oh, I forgot, Microsoft.
Warning: Device may cause brain damage if smashed against head with sufficient force. If pain is felt on forehead, discontinue use of iPod for head smashing purposes.
This reporter is symptomatic of a widespread misconception that in the 1997 deal, Microsoft bought Apple outright.
P.S. Maybe now that “iPod” has become the generic term for “music player”, the suit is aimed at all music players!
Lots of other MAJOR problems with iPods:
http://www.consumeraffairs.com/computers/apple_ipod.html
AND…
Good Luck With That Broken iPod
By JOE NOCERA, NY Times
By refusing to deal with broken iPods, why is Apple so willing to tick off people who spend thousands of dollars on their products?
MDN report about this!!!!
Quit hiding it.
Apple is definitely pissing off lots of people with defective iPods and poor customer service.
A p.o.ed ipod buyer is not going to buy a new $1500 Mactel.
I was angry when I first heard this. But now I can laugh my head off because everyone sees it as incredibly stupid. Berman will be laughed out of every office – bar Microsoft, where he will receive commiserations..
I think somebody should start a class action suit against Steve W. Berman for causing hardship to every American by wasting tax payers dollars with frivolous law suits, resulting in increased taxes, reduced court capacity to deal with real injustice, etc.
Maybe we should collectively sue him for …. oh I don’t know …. maybe $100,000 for every man woman and child in the good old USA … so whats that add up to $25,000,000,000,000
Yeah !!!
Why don’t they sue all the music industry, amplifier makers, speakers makers, musicians, instruments makers…
Who is John Kiel Patterson from Louisiana?
Didn’t I read a while back that Apple added firmware that wouldn’t let you turn the iPod up high enough to hurt your ears, and people were making hacks to get by it? I seem to remember a lot of folk complaining that the volume wasn’t loud enough.
im sueing mdn for getting me addicted to checking every single update, its threatening my productivity, 10 million should conpensate lol
“Microsoft’s Apple Computer, Inc.“
I dunno, this doesn’t look like a type-o or a freudian slip to me. Is it possible that some people have simply made the assumption that Microsoft owns Apple?? That’s as ridiculous as the Bin Ladens being close friends of the Bush
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I think the solution to this is to fine lawyers who have more than 1 suit dismissed with prejudice in any 3 year period, while forbidding them to pass along that fine to their clients. Maybe suspend them from practicing law as well. Or doing work of any sort for any law firm, to avoid them dancing around the suspension by being temporarily reassigned to “research” by their firm.
That would hopefully discourage the more blatant time-wasting lawsuits while not discouraging people who honestly (even if incorrectly) believe they have a cause for action.
RE: ipodder sad
It’s a shame that a lot of those postings seem to point out just how often people don’t listen or are just plain stupid.
The woman who bought they iPod for her son in the military… no one (Best Buy, CompUSA, Circuit City) accepts returns after a specifiied time. It differs from place to place, but the policy is usually the same.
That is just one example but caveat emptor man… these are rare and the idea that EVERYONE must be getting screwed is just ludicrous.
I have had between myself and my family 7 iPods. None have failed, including the original 5GB Gen 1 that my mom now uses.
That was supposed to say “Bush Family” at the end.
RE: ipodder sad
MDN’s hiding what? I’ve owned 3 ‘Pods since they came out (I upgrade to bigger drives when available), mom has a mini, and my friends, by and large, all own them too.
Care to guess how many of us have ever had problems with ours? It’s a nice, round number. ZERO.
MW – “Why”
Too funny!
“Punitive Damages”
I don’t see “Microsoft’s Apple Computer, Inc.” anymore.
It’s still there. Paragraph 2, Line 4-5